Memory
by Elfin Maid
Summary: She is but a memory, broken and faded like the horse she rides. Her life has been torn apart piece by piece, and now, when war has finally receded, she knows she must start anew-she just does not know how. Post-BoFA-LotR. Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**A plot bunny finally got to me! I've been mulling over this story idea for a while now, and while sitting up late at night a while back I finally gave in, LOL!**

**So, this will be a three-chapter fic. There is no set time-period, but the general idea is right after the end of the LotR. I will be updating randomly, but all three chapters have been completed-just not fully edited.**

**Large sections of italics are flashbacks. :)**

**As always, reviews are greatly appreciated!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Tauriel stood tall, wind whipping her hair across her face.

Finally, after so many years, she had returned. War had forever scarred her, but she knew that what she had suffered was but a small part of what others had gone through.

Patting the old stallion on the neck, she swung back into the saddle. The horse was a gift from Lord Elrond, and even though the animal was old and weaker than most, he was still strong in spirit. She could ask no more of him.

"Let us go," Tauriel murmurred.

Taking the reins up in her hands, Tauriel stared at them for a second, letting the illusion fade and her true self emerge.

Scars covered her. Scars from flames, swords, and actions. Even her heart was scarred.

With a sigh, she replaced the illusion and tapped the horse with her heels, wheeling around to face Rivendell once more.

The Elvenking was due to arrive at any moment, to counsel with Lord Elrond before the elves sailed. Tauriel would rather face a hoard of Orcs than Thranduil, who was bound to be furious about his son joining the Fellowship and going through multiple near-death experiences.

But there was no other way.

The old horse bowed his neck, as if he could feel her pain. Tauriel's eyes stung as she let the wind carry away the tears in them.

"Come along," she murmured, voice cracking. Once again, she urged the stallion forward.

Arriving along an old, forgotten pathway, Tauriel guided her mount over the treacherous stones and pits littering the cobblestones. This path was but a memory, and it suited her perfectly.

Down below, she could see the enormous elk Thranduil insisted on riding clacking into the courtyard. A bitter smile crossed her lips as she remembered an argument she and Thranduil had had when the Elvenking insisted she groomed the massive creature. She had been young.

So young...

* * *

_Tauriel stared at the beast in horror, eyes wide as she took in the giant antlers and stomping cloven hooves._

_"My lord!" she squeaked out, "I beg you, do not make me care for the creature!"_

_Thranduil spared her barely a glance as he shoved her towards the elk's stall. "I assure you, Tauriel, he will not harm you."_

_Tauriel desperately dug her heels into the ground, panic tinging her voice as Thranduil literally dragged her into the beast's cage. "I will not groom him!" she stated in a quavering voice._

_"Yes, you will," the Elvenking said grimly, large hands latching the door behind them._

_Tauriel trembled behind the curtain of red hair covering her face as the elk blew hot air down on her, certain that any second the horrid creature would trample her beneath its hooves._

_"Alert the Head Groom when you have finished," Thranduil said calmly, exiting the stall and latching it behind him._

_Tauriel, too small to reach the latch, had stayed with the elk and stared right back into those big dark eyes, fear beating a hard tattoo in her chest. Eventually, she fell asleep, back rigid against the wood behind her._

_She did not groom the elk._

* * *

Tauriel mused that that must have been her first act of defiance towards the Elvenking. Even then, she realized, he was constantly trying to bend me to his will.

The horse suddenly flung up his head, half rearing as he took in the scent of the elk.

Tauriel grasped for his mane, striving to bring his head back down. Eventually, she succeeded, and the animal calmed somewhat.

Slowly, she guided the quivering horse into the courtyard, bringing him up as far away from the Elvenking's mount as possible. She eyed the bugling animal with a hint of disgust, wondering if Thranduil realized the commotion his mount was causing. He certainly did not seem to be aware of it. In fact, it seemed he was ignoring the elk altogether, letting it tug and pull at the elves hanging from the animal's halter.

Across the courtyard, Lord Elrond was greeting the Elvenking. He placed a hand on his heart, inclining his head ever so slightly. Thranduil did the same, and then dropped all pretenses of courtesy. Even across the distance seperating them, Tauriel could hear each and every word.

"Where is Legolas?" Thranduil demanded, and although on the outside he was cool and unflinching, Tauriel could feel the fear as it ran through him in a dangerous undercurrent.

Lord Elrond's calm mask faded, and Tauriel's mouth twitched slightly in amusement as she slowly made her way towards them. She did not envy Lord Elrond's position at this particular moment.

"He returned safely, Thranduil," Elrond answered quickly, and perhaps a bit nervously. "I am not aware of his current location, but he is well."

Thranduil fairly wilted with relief, his hard bearing relaxing until he was almost slumping. "Thank the Valar," he breathed, then crushed Lord Elrond in a hug.

Elrond hesitated for half a second, then patted his old friend on the back as Thranduil released him.

"You cannot know how I have worried," the Elvenking said with a choked laugh, and Tauriel found that she sympathized with this ageless ruler of Mirkwood.

* * *

_"Why does it hurt so much?" she gasped._

_Thranduil stared at her with mingled pain and fury in his eyes. "Because it was real."_

* * *

"Indeed, I cannot," Lord Elrond sighed, his always-present frown slightly more pronounced than usual. He sighed, fingering a button on his tunic. "Arwen..." He swallowed, then continued. "Arwen has decided to marry Estel, or Aragorn, or perhaps even Strider-I do not know what you call him."

Thranduil straightened slightly in surprise, and Tauriel drew in a soft breath of shock. _Arwen was betrothed to Aragorn, who had joined the Fellowship?_

Thranduil turned, boots ringing on the cobblestones, and Tauriel instinctively straightened her spine, lifting her chin slightly. Even after all this time, she still feared-and, perhaps, respected-the Elvenking.

Chilling grey eyes met clear green across several yards, and Tauriel knew in that one second when their eyes first locked that he recognized her.

And she was scared.

Quickly, ignoring the tendrils of fear and anxiety winding their way down her body, Tauriel stepped forward, her worn boots making a soft click each time she took a step.

"My Lord Elrond," she said with a nod, and turned to Thranduil. "My lord," she said slowly, with just a hint of distaste.

She did not bow.

"Tauriel," Thranduil said coldly, spitting the word like poison.

Lord Elrond nodded at her, and then quickly took his leave.

In one quick movement, the Elvenking reached out and flipped the hood of her cloak back. Tauriel shrugged out of it completely, and it hit the ground with a soft hiss.

Thranduil drew a sharp breath as bright red hair, the color of rusted blood, flowed down her shoulders and back.

Tauriel flicked it back completely, her hand grazing the hilt of her dagger.

"So it is you," Thranduil said softly, icy eyes searching Tauriel's, taking in the sharp lines of her face, recognizing the lines made after many long hour of strain. And then, with a flip of his hand, he brought his sword up to her throat. The cool metal kissed her skin, and Tauriel stood, unflinching. She was ready and willing to die.

The tip of the sword flicked away a stray strand of hair, and Tauriel knew that he was deciding whether it was worth it or not.

Slowly, resentfully, Thranduil lowered his sword, though he did not sheath it.

"You have changed," he finally said.

Tauriel inclined her head slightly, willing to make a small sacrifice. "I believe we all have, my lord. War does not leave all unchanged."

Indeed, even Thranduil bore the marks of many a long night's worry. There were new lines on his face, and a flash of pity for him shot through her. She knew what he hid beneath the seemingly smooth skin.

"Legolas does live," Tauriel said softly. "I have seen it." She took a deep breath, and let her mask fade. Slowly, it slipped away.

She saw Thranduil recoil in horror. She saw recognition flash in his eyes, saw him, after so long, fully understand.

* * *

_"We all have scars. Some run deep, and some are mere scratches that will fade in time." He turned, and pain was boiling under the surface, hot and cold in turn. "Some will always be there, all your long life, and some wounds never heal."_

_Tauriel looked at him fearfully, wanting to tell him about her own scars. But she did not dare._

_"We all have scars," Thranduil repeated sadly._

_She did not ask again._

* * *

Slowly, Tauriel bent to pick up her cloak, draping it over her shoulders like a shield she could carry, replacing the illusion as she did so. It was almost comforting to let him see, to do away with all the lies.

A smile touched her lips. "We all have scars."

Thranduil took a step back, recognition painted on his face. "You remember," he said in wonder.

Tauriel drew the cowl up, her face vanishing in the shadows.

"I remember it all."


	2. Chapter 2

**Next chapter! Thanks for your support, y'all!**

**SlytherinAngel00, I am sooo jealous! I still have not been able to watch BotFA!**

**As for the whole scar thing, it will be revealed in chapter three. :)**

**This chapter is slightly shorter, but the next is really, really loooong, LOL!**

**Enjoy! As always, reviews are love. :)**

* * *

With a sigh, Tauriel pulled her dagger from its sheath.

She examined the keen blade, looking for any signs of rust. There were none.

Her conversation with Thranduil had left her chilled to the bone. Every single past defiance was a burning wall between them, and with Legolas's return she knew the wall would only grow thicker. Thranduil would never deign to let her seek out Legolas, and she would avoid him at all costs.

She did not want yet another argument with the Elvenking.

Deep down, Tauriel felt that Thranduil was scared for his son. He did not want his heart to be broken, as his had been.

_But his heart healed_, Tauriel thought. _A little bit, at least. It is just another scar, like one of the many we both carry on both our bodies and our souls._

Suddenly, the door was thrown open. With a shock, Tauriel realized that it was Legolas.

Legolas, who she had been planning-had wanted-to avoid. Now, he had found her, and had burst into her room without so much as knocking. A spark of annoyance caught flame, but she quickly crushed it.

After so long, she did not know what to expect. He stood awkwardly, as out of place in the empty room as her flaming hair was amongst a crowd of elves.

Sighing again, she ignored him for a second longer and then set down the dagger.

Tauriel stood, cool and remote.

"It has been a long time," she said calmly, inclining her head.

"Aye," Legolas replied, eyes taking her in almost hungrily. Finally, as if he could no longer resist, Legolas took several rapid steps forward and drew her into his arms. For a heartbeat, Tauriel resisted, but then relaxed against him.

Eventually, she was forced to draw back.

Tauriel drew in a quick breath, gulping air like one who had almost drowned. After so long...

* * *

_"You cannot hunt thirty Orcs on your own, Tauriel."_

_A half smile played on her lips as she turned. "But I'm not alone."_

* * *

Tears glittered in the corners of Legolas's eyes, and he swallowed again and again.

"I thought you were dead," he finally burst out. "I thought you were dead, Tauriel! You must understand, I did not know you still had life! I would have searched for you, if I had known..." His voice broke, and Tauriel frowned in confusion.

"What do you mean?" she asked, voice remote.

"I abandoned you!" Legolas cried.

His full meaning washed over her, and with it came a wave of unbearable longing and pain. "You are not to blame," she said, fighting to keep her voice steady. It was a battle she knew she would eventually lose. "Indeed, I have only myself to blame. I defied your father, Legolas. For a good cause, perhaps, but even so I defied direct orders. I paid the price." She sheathed her dagger neatly, then turned to her quiver and bow. "What could you have possibly done? Even now, what could you possibly do or say to make your father fully understand why I betrayed him?"

Legolas bowed his head.

"I was not thinking," he murmured. "Don't you see, Tauriel? I ran. I ran away from everything, from my father, from you, from duty."

"I do see," Tauriel said steadily. "And I see no reason to blame yourself." A sudden thought came to her. "Perhaps it was all better this way. You know that your father will wed you to an elleth of his choice."

"No!" Legolas growled. "I am done with following his every wish, chasing his dreams for him. I will not let him pick my bride for me!"

Tauriel swung back around, wonder filling her.

"You would defy him?" she asked incredulously.

"Yes," he said vehemently. "I would, in a heartbeat, Tauriel."

She stood, choking back emotions with every breath. "You cannot!" Tauriel finally burst out. "I have sacrificed too much to see you do the same!" Her breath came in ragged gasps, and tears were now flowing down her face.

She heard the sharp click of new boots, and suddenly he was there, tipping her chin up toward him with one rough hand.

"Tauriel," Legolas whispered, "don't you understand? I am doing it for you."

Tauriel jerked her face out of his hands. It took an enormous amount of effort. She saw the pain flash across his face, and was instantly filled with regret.

Stumbling backwards, blinded by tears, Tauriel replaced her bow and drew back the hood of her cloak. She wanted him to see how much she had changed, to realize that he could not do this.

But even as she tried to find the courage, he turned away again.

Her will wavered like a candle in a storm, and finally was blown out.

She tore off the heavy material, removing her weapons as she did so.

* * *

_Warm arms enveloped her chilled body, and slowly the cold was driven off._

_"Legolas?"_

_"Yes, Tauriel?"_

_"Your father will not be pleased with you. Why are you doing this?"_

_"For you, Tauriel. Now, go to sleep."_

_She stared into the dark, and slowly sleep overtook her._

* * *

Fury filled her.

"Look at me, Legolas," she cried, voice rising as she spoke. "Look at me and tell me, do you truly think that it could ever be? Everything has changed! We can never, never go back. We do not have that choice. I do not have that choice. I gave up everything, Legolas! Your father will shun you for the rest of your days. Please, do not force yourself into this!" Her voice finally broke, and she buried her face in hideously scarred hands.

Slowly, Tauriel calmed. Glancing up with blurry eyes, she saw that Legolas's shoulders were shaking silently but violently.

Shocked, she realized that he too had broken down.

Regret, sharp as the keenest blade, stabbed her.

She took three slow, hesitant steps towards him, laying a hand on his shoulder. The bite of chain mail was a welcome feeling.

"I am sorry," she whispered. "I just wanted you to understand." She bowed her head for a moment, and then moved quickly for the door. "I must go."

"Wait, Tauriel."

His words stopped her in her tracks.

Slowly, she turned. Her heart was pounding wildly in her chest.

"Yes, Legolas?"

"What did you mean," he said slowly, "when you said to 'Look at me'?"

Everything froze.

"Nothing," she answered in a high voice. "It was nothing." She quickly turned again, eager to be out of this room that was suddenly to small and far to warm for comfort.

"Tauriel." The words came calmly, but they were an order. "Look at me."

_No, no, no..._ Slowly, painfully so, she raised her eyes to his, lifting her chin in a weak act of defiance.

* * *

_"Look at me, Tauriel," Legolas said, his voice warm as he gazed down at her._

_Slowly, Tauriel did, letting him see the massive bruise adorning one cheekbone._

_"Thank you," he said gently. Long fingers reached out and carefully swept away the blood slowly trickling down one side of her face._

_She shivered at his touch._

* * *

Legolas stared at her for three long, long seconds. He saw the hollows in her cheekbones; he saw the dull look in her eyes. He saw the pain and worry that had marred her face so many times before. He saw a wild, untamed spirit trying to hold itself in, and failing. And he saw..._love_?

Breaking himself out of a trance, Legolas held her gaze for a heartbeat longer, and then broke eye contact.

"Thank you, Tauriel," he said in a rough voice, standing suddenly and brushing past her.

Tauriel stood, confused and relieved, in the small room that seemed somehow empty now without him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Well, here it is! The last chapter!**

**I'm also considering making two sequels to this fic, so if y'all are interested let me know!**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Tauriel took one look at Thranduil, and wavered.

The Elvenking was not pleased.

"Legolas greeted you before he saw me," he said calmly. There was an undercurrent of anger in his tone.

Tauriel knew better than to deny it. Still, she had an urge to do so.

"Yes, my lord," she responded. Her pulse was rapid, and she knew that Thranduil was likely picking up on these small signals of her uncomforte-and using them to his advantage.

"I had thought it was made clear that you were not to associate with my son."

Tauriel took a quivering breath, a sudden rush of emotions suddenly filling her.

"You did, my lord. I did not seek him out. Indeed, he came to me."

Thranduil's expression was slowly fading from calm to highly annoyed.

"I gave you an order, Tauriel. You defied it."

_A repeat of what happened many years ago_, Tauriel thought sadly. _Will he ever learn to let go?_

Brushing the thoughts aside, she drew on her final scraps of defiance towards Thranduil.

"You banished me, my lord. I am no longer your subject. Therefore, I have no reason to obey your every request."

Thranduil's hands shook with repressed anger. "You will obey me," he said, his voice dangerously low.

Tauriel bowed her head, wanting desperately to fight back. She could not find the will to do so.

"You must remember," she finally replied wearily, "that this was not of my doing. I did my best to follow your orders, my lord. Legolas went directly against them."

"I do not believe you," Thranduil declared harshly.

Something poisonus rose up inside her at his words, and in her anger Tauriel could no longer hold her mask. It disappeared, and once again she saw Thranduil's shocked expression before he locked away all emotions.

She laughed bitterly. "You think you are the only one with hidded scars, my lord?" There was a thinly disguised taunt in her words.

Thranduil growled something unintelgible, then finally did away with his calm facade.

* * *

_"Liar!" he hissed venomously._

_Tauriel drew back, shaking with fear._

_"I am sorry, my lord," she wimpered. Tears made tracks down her dirt-covered cheeks, and blood covered one side of her face. Vague memories of blood, black and thick, filled her head._

_"You let them enter our borders," Thranduil growled, ignoring the fact that she was but a child and had narrowly escape death herself._

_"I am sorry," she wept. "I tried."_

* * *

Tauriel blinked, trying to rid herself of past experiences.

"Do away with your mask," she said. "Do away with all these lies that always have lain between us. I know what you hide, my lord."

Thranduil drew back, shocked. Finally, he found his voice.

"I will not." The finality in his voice was like a blow to her.

Surprised at herself, Tauriel felt the sting of tears in her eyes. It was as if she was an elfling once more, desperately trying to gain Thranduil's approval and trust. Slowly, they slid down her scarred cheeks, leaving a cool trail behind.

Thranduil looked at her again, and for some reason he flinched.

"You are crying," he said flatly.

Tauriel drew in a shaky breath, head bowed, and nodded once.

The Elvenking looked at her oddly. Finally, he spoke. "Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I should do away with all the lies. They have always come between us, Tauriel."

Tauriel looked up quickly, in time to see smooth skin become raw, burned and marred by the dragon's fire. Thranduil's left eye went a milky white, and his exposed cheek-bone was a stark white surrounded as it was by red.

More tears fell as Tauriel looked at him, wanting to tear her eyes away but not quite able too.

"I am sorry," she finally whispered, wrenching her eyes of his half-melted face.

Thranduil smiled wryly. "There is nothing to apologize for. Indeed, I do not expect you to do so. There is nothing that can be changed now."

Tauriel felt new tears form. Irritated at herself, she flung them away.

"I am sorry," she repeated. "I was not in the right, then. But I was not all in the wrong, either."

Thranduil's face hardened. "I know. I admit that I was in the wrong, then. But you had no right to turn away from your duty and run." He paused, searching for words. "I ask of you that you do not encourage Legolas. That is all. I will not ask more of you, for as you said, I no longer am your ruler."

"Of course, my lord," Tauriel whispered. "Of course."

* * *

Tauriel stared into the eyes of her horse, soft amber meeting clear green.

"You have carried me for many years now, _mellon nin_." Her words were soft. "I ask it of you that you carry me just a bit further. There is nothing for me here."

The horse whickered throatily, tossing his head slightly.

Sighing, Tauriel swung up into the saddle.

"Tauriel!" someone called out. The voice was achingly familiar.

Tauriel dropped her head, praying that she would be able to hold on. She could not let him see. Not now.

"Legolas," she said wearily. She did not turn.

"Why are you leaving?" Coming too stand by her horse's head, Legolas prevented her from moving forward.

"I do not know," Tauriel answered truthfully. "I have nowhere. I suppose I will wander again."

* * *

_Blood. Pouring down her face, into her mouth. Hot, warm, salty. Blood._

_Pain, and she screamed. Screamed so loud, the still-tender skin on her face split open. Now, everything was black._

_Black as the night itself._

* * *

Shuddering involuntarily, Tauriel lifted her eyes and met Legolas's gaze warily.

"What do you want?" she asked harshly.

Pain flitted across his features, and then Legolas composed himself.

"Tauriel," he said carefully, dropping his eyes nervously, "I talked to my father."

Tauriel froze in the saddle, eyes going wide with fear.

"And?" she asked, a faint tremor in her voice.

Legolas narrowed his eyes for a second, scrutinizing her. Finally, he answered.

"He said that you were to stay."

Tauriel reeled backward in shock, rage hot in her veins.

"He what?" she said dangerously.

Legolas shifted again.

"He wants you to stay," he amended quickly. "At least, that is what he told me. And, Tauriel, I believe he plans for you to come to Ithillium with me."

Tauriel bit her tongue as a flood of questions-and quite a few protests-threatened to spill out.

"What?!" she finally exploded, hand going unconsciously to the set of daggers strapped to her waist.

Legolas stepped backward, an emotion she could not place flitting over his face, but then quickly replaced with a cool, calm mask.

With horror, Tauriel realized that he was scared.

_Of her._

Shocked, she let her hand drop limply to her side. All thoughts of protesting vanished.

"I am sorry," she whispered.

Legolas tilted his head to the side, frowning slightly. "For what?"

Tauriel winced, not seeing any easy way to reveal her hideously scarred body to him.

Swallowing hard, she tore the illusion away. Better to let him see it now than to surprise him with it later.

If there was a later.

Legolas glanced up, and quickly took three steps back. The stallion snorted, and Tauriel shifted miserably in the saddle.

* * *

_"No!" she screamed, throwing her body down in front of him._

_The sword came down, the air around them humming dangerously as rain washed over the two bodies._

_And then, the impact. Screams. Lightning. Blood. So much blood. All fading as her life slowly slipped away._

_Darkness._

* * *

"What happened to you?" Legolas demanded, still shaken.

Tauriel lifted both hands off the reins, examining the scars as she had done many times before.

"I don't remember that much," she said, fighting to keep her hands steady. Nervously, she licked her lips. "I... I think I blocked a sword. And it did this to me."

The scar that ran down one side of her face was pulled slightly, tightening the skin around it, but she did not notice.

"You cast an illusion," Legolas said. "Like my father. Why, Tauriel?" he asked miserably.

Tauriel choked down a sob.

"I'm a memory, Legolas. Everyone either hates me or has forgotten me. What was I to do? I had to stop people from fleeing from me. This was the only way." Biting her lip, Tauriel stared at her horse's mane.

A hand came down on top of her own, warm and comorting.

"I did not forget," Legolas told her gently.

Tears threatened, and she wrenched her hand from his grasp. Emotions warred inside her, and eventually she chose the one she knew she could rely on. Anger.

"Tell your father no," she spat. "I am done with following his orders."

"No, Tauriel," Legolas cried as she nudged the horse with her heels. "It was not his orders! It was mine!"

The stallion was spun around hard enough to create a cloud of dust, and then Tauriel was staring at him incredulously.

"What?" she gasped.

"I told him I wanted you to come," Legolas admitted miserably. "I want you to come to Ithillium with me, Tauriel."

She continued to stare at him, the glamour flickering.

"Please?" he whispered.

Still, the silence continued.

Legolas waited, watching the scars disapear and reappear again.

Finally, Tauriel opened her mouth, and he was surprised to see tears glittering in her eyes.

"Yes," she croaked. "I will come to Ithillium."


End file.
